Photo by Lucy Rubenstein

As the craze for reusable water bottles is running at an all-time high, the trends for these hydrators are nearly overpopulated. Though many would argue that the bottles work very similarly, I think the differences say more about the owner than the quality of the flask itself. Whether you classify yourself as a “Stanley girl” or a “proud Hydro Flask user since the VSCO girl era,” your bottle of choice can tell you more about yourself aside from its ability to keep you hydrated. In a non-judgemental view from one emotional support water bottle user to another, here is what your water bottle of choice says about you.

Stanley

Owning the top-notch, trendiest bottle at the moment says a lot about a person’s ability to hold the handle of an excessively large tumbler throughout the seven-hour school day; and honestly, it’s commendable. Stanley Tumblers feature not only a plethora of colors but also a variety of sizes in their cups. However, if you choose to get anything smaller than the typical 40 oz cup, you might just be a coward. On another note, this cup’s owner could pull an Elle Woods and switch from a “bimbo-ified girly” to a sophisticated student in a split second. The only real issue with this cup is the owner’s capability of cleaning the cup every so often, but if you do, you’re most likely an incredibly organized person who likes aesthetics and cleanliness.

Owala

The Owala is admittedly the cutest bottle on the market as of now. It is quite adorable how the cap of the tumbler resembles a koala’s nose. Similar to Stanley Tumblers, you may like the trendiness of this cup, however, the functionality is back to the basics. Your balance between practicality and style makes a case for how cool and considerate you are. It is not uncommon for you to be a trendsetter and make smart accessory choices; you know exactly what makes or breaks the ideal school look.

Hydro Flask

Forever in your VSCO girl era, this bottle is indefinitely loud just like your personality. In my experience, these water bottles have been the most durable on the market, that is if you haven’t accidentally dropped it a multitude of times. Still, if you have kept up with yours since you first purchased it, you are loyal and appreciate the tried and true of the world. You know how to make a water bottle more than just a water bottle, whether it’s adding personal details such as artsy stickers or selecting a bottle color that suits your personality.

Nalgene

Water bottle in hand, you would probably consider yourself indie or “not like other girls,” but the fifth-grade overnight summer camp you attended could also confirm that claim. Though reusable water bottles are all reusable, this one takes the cake for being the most environmentally conscious, in terms of the bottles’ looks. Like the ground that you slept on at your overnight camp, you are also very down to earth; some would say granola and plain, but I would argue resourceful.

Starbucks Cups

Though not technically a water bottle, your 20 oz limited edition 2022 iridescent mermaid scale cup shows your dedication to your love of straws and mediocre coffee. Most likely, you intended to buy a single tumbler years ago but then got sucked in and decided to go back for more, many more. Do not be ashamed of your collection, but instead embrace your nearly classified addiction to preppy, overpriced cups. Aside from your relatability, there’s a chance you would be labeled basic, but you’re okay with that.

Gatorade

Needless to say, I believe it’s okay to leave squirting water bottles as an archival item and we as a society can move onto bigger and better bottles; if that means leaving those who use these water bottles as well, so be it. If you use this bottle on a day-to-day basis, you have probably thought about enlisting in JROTC (Junior Reserve Officers’ Training Corps) at least once. Either that or you’re really into a sport that involves tackling. Most definitely the “comedic relief” of the group, the number of times you have spurt water onto your peers with this bottle is too high of a number to count. Sometimes the world needs a little carelessness and so the world thanks you.

Additionally, if you own a water bottle not mentioned above, for your sanity, test out one listed in this story.