Before the trailer dropped in June 2017, I hadn’t heard much about the “Murder on the Orient Express.” I knew it was a book written by Agatha Christie in the mid-1930’s, and that it had been turned into an adored movie in 1974. But little did I know, it was much bigger than I thought; it was adapted four times before making it on the big screen once again this November.

This time, the mystery was directed by Kenneth Branagh, who also stars in the leading role as detective Hercule Poirot. The cast was star-studded: Judi Dench, Johnny Depp, Willem Dafoe, Daisy Ridley, Michelle Pfeiffer, Josh Gad, Penélope Cruz, and Leslie Odom Jr., to name a few. With such an all-star band of actors, and written by none-other than Michael Green (who also wrote Logan), I assumed that this movie would be a very suspenseful and exciting thriller to end the year with, but, unfortunately, I was wrong. While the cast and actors are great, they all don’t seem to care for eachother. It’s as if the casting director shot up a list of names on a board and they took the highest paid actors to cover Branagh’s horrible acting chops.

With the help of his deceitful friend Bouc (Tom Bateman), Hercule Poirot (Kenneth Branagh) boards the luxurious Orient Express with no idea what’s in store. What was meant to be a peaceful escape from his job suddenly turns into a whole ‘nother case as the detective must solve the murder of Mr. Ratchett (Johnny Depp). To escalate their problems, the train is snowbound from catastrophic weather with all passengers stuck on board. While workers and train crew attempt to dig them out, Poirot begins on the case. He interviews every passenger who would have had access to the scene of the crime, and soon discovers that this is more than just a simple murder.

The movie picks up with an introduction to Hercule Poirot’s character, as he is summoned to solve a mystery involving a rabbi, a priest and an imam – yes, the cliche “walk into a bar…” joke is made – and the theft of a sacred relic. The audience learns what makes Poirot such an interesting character, aside from the fact of him being a prominent and superb detective. After this scene, however, is when the real show begins to fall off the rails. Branagh has a hard time choosing between what is actually entertaining and what doesn’t belong. It was so boring and slow-paced that it nearly put me to sleep half the time. The movie only deserved my attention in the last 10 minutes, where it felt as rushed as a rocket tearing into the open sky. It seems as if director Kenneth Branagh had two days left to shoot, and was in the middle of writing the script. Nothing was put together in the end, and it felt like a whole separate movie.

As previously stated, I was expecting a lot from this movie walking in (maybe too much). This included the expectation that all the actors would have a purpose and feel well utilized – and they did not! Despite tons of Oscar nominees and winners on this list who all know how to act astonishingly, none of them seem to gel together. It’s almost as if they’re all acting in a silo, and through it all, there is no cohesive quality. It’s very difficult to feel attached to any of these characters.

This lead to me to questions that no audience member should ever have to ask. Why do I care? Why am I here? When you ask yourself these questions, then you know the movie has hit an all-time-low. Despite the original source material coming from Agatha Christie, the directing by the likes of Kenneth Branagh, and with such a superb list of A-list actors, “Murder on the Orient Express” fell short of being a blockbuster. Something went down behind those curtains that made their art suffer. I just didn’t get any joy in watching this movie. I didn’t care whether any of them died, lived, got captured or saved the day. It was a waste of my time and my money, and this is a movie that is better deserved on your couch and not the movie theatre– if at all.

“Murder on the Orient Express” is a desperate movie, attempting to seek attention from their audience with unique cinematography and high-paid actors. But in terms of actual depth and intrigue of the plot, the movie fell flat and never made it to the station, which is why I give “Murder On The Orient Express” a whopping 2 out of 10.